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In , when Rama was fifteen, her mother was admitted to a psychiatric clinic. Rama said she was fascinated by the female patients who wandered the halls, often undressed. Their flesh was uninhibited, even if their bodies were institutionalised and their mental states under surveillance. Rama began her drawings then. In one, a womanish body crouches, tongue out, defecating copiously. In another, two decapitated bodies seem to jerk off towards each other. But, of course, the ones that draw me most are full of teeth.
In Opera no. The teeth are crooked, but glaringly white against the yellowed background. They are outlined in red, like they have all been brushed too hard. Five of the gums are thin and curled into twisted grins. After a week of lisping and snagging my tongue, the tooth that broke in half was fixed with composite, but over the following years it has steadily grown darker.
When I saw photos of myself with a fraction of grey peeking through my lips my stomach would drop. I felt vain. I smiled with my mouth shut. I had been told that the only way to fix the tooth was with veneers. But then a new dentist with kind eyes drilled a hole into the back of my broken tooth, pressed putty against my gums, and handed me whitening gel and perfect plastic replicas of my jaw.
I am to squeeze gel inside my darkened tooth with a syringe and seal it in with a gum guard. I am to do this for two hours, every other two hours, for four days, before beginning to whiten the rest of my teeth. The dentist with kind eyes, who asks me about my job applications and shakes my hand every time I leave his office, hopes that this will lighten the tooth enough to not need veneers.
He hopes that in just a month I will be able to smile without twinges of shame. I put them in my mouth and pull on the handles, stretching my lips away from my teeth. Like a dog growling. The dentist holds a large camera close to my face and takes some photos.
I am aware of my lipstick, now coating the hard, blue plastic of the implements. I am aware of saliva pooling in the hollows at the sides of my mouth. The dentist with kind eyes loads the photos on his computer screen and turns it towards me. The photos fill the screen; my lipstick is just visible in the corners. My gums are pale, in places pulled tight almost to whiteness. The dentist looks at me, seeking approval for his high-resolution pictures.
In the centre of the screen my grey tooth glares at me. The line dividing real enamel from fake is clear, diagonally bisecting the tooth. I put the syringes in my bag and walk back to my emptying flat. As a child, Rama visited an aunt who took her teeth out at night.
Her grandmother had false eyes; her uncle sold orthopaedic goods and gave her false limbs as toys. She was surrounded by lost body parts, lost persons, and by false, excessive limbs. Are the teeth in Opera no. Where are the lower jaws? Until the mid-nineteenth century, most false teeth were made from ivory, or from human teeth. Often these would be riveted into a base of animal ivory, or mixed with parts of horse and donkey teeth.
The first porcelain teeth were judged too white to be convincing. When I was twelve, my orthodontist discovered that two of my deciduous teeth had never been shed. In the corners of my lower jaw, the penultimate teeth are small — half the size of those next to them.
Apparently this is rare, but not quite as rare as most people think. My mum has one; I have two. Perhaps my child will have more, or perhaps the dental quirk will end with me. My orthodontist wanted to cut open my jaw and put a metal plate inside, to stop the milk teeth sinking into my gums like rocks in quicksand.
My orthodontist looked like Christopher Lee and did not put his fingers in my mouth gently. He said it would be more expensive when I was older, and I should hope to marry rich. When teeth were still ruled over by barbershop surgeries, barbers would file down the teeth and apply acids to whiten them. The acid would coat the enamel, and sink into the root. This made the teeth lighter, but also eroded them over time, leading to more decay.
After filling my tooth cavity with whitening gel for three days, I begin to see the enamel lightening. At least, I think I do. I stand in front of the mirror in my bathroom, pull back my lips. I stare at the tooth, trying to remember its original shade. The bottom half of the tooth — the half made of composite — remains grey. I take photos of my teeth, zoom in on the fault line. The syringes of gel come with a booklet of warnings. It says to wash off the gel after ninety minutes, and not to exceed this time.
The dentist with kind eyes told me to ignore this advice. The booklet also says that the gel can cause irritation to the gums, that it should not be swallowed. It usually takes me a couple of attempts to inject the gel into the back of my tooth, and, each time, some gets on my tongue and the roof of my mouth.
It tastes sweetly bland, but makes my tongue tingle slightly. After four days of focusing on my broken front tooth, I begin squeezing small drops of the gel into my plastic replica jaws. At first, I do as the booklet says and apply one drop to each corresponding tooth, before clicking the retainers into place.
Soon though I get impatient, and begin squeezing in as much gel as the gums will allow. Faint lines circle the jaws into pairs two sets? The teeth are lined off from each other, and from the rest of the painting. They are separate, but involved. Directly below the teeth, in the bottom right corner, a face is turned sideways. The neck is tilted up, the black eyes in line with the edge of the paper.
The mouth gapes, and a thick red tongue protrudes, reaching up in the direction of the floating teeth. On the left side, a headless figure. Two arms — the closer one a deep, bloody red — extend from a hidden point; a single rosy nipple seems to peek out from a chest. The red of the tongue, the arm, the gums, and two of the penises match. Rama said the colour red reminded her of her desire to be a bullfighter. The red is provocative, courting violence.
The white grins in the top right jump out, like bulbs lighting the scene. A headless figure looming over a bodiless head — is this one person, torn apart? The teeth seem to emerge unbidden, like repressed matter surfacing in a dream. In the week after my tooth first broke, one of the staff at the restaurant where my boyfriend and I worked made jokes about the accident. He would joke that my boyfriend must have pushed me down the stairs, or hit me in the face with something heavy.
He laughed a lot each time he said something like this, and we would laugh too. I assumed he found it funny because he thought it was unimaginable. I sit alone in my stripped out flat with gel on my teeth, listening to true crime podcasts. My flatmates moved out a week or two ago, so I can walk around undressed or unwashed, teeth sheathed in plastic, all day and with impunity.
I have no schedule or commitments, aside from rinsing off the gel and brushing my teeth every two hours, before refilling the retainers two hours later. Sometimes they can only be identified by their teeth. At my first appointment with the kind-eyed dentist, he peered into my mouth and told me I had a lot going on in there.
I felt a need to explain, or to apologise. I have always been aware of my mouth as a problem. A mix of stubborn deciduous molars, broken front teeth, and plastic caps gave me a dental identity of too much. The etymological root of dental is dens , the Latin for tooth. Identity comes from identitas , and, earlier, idem, Latin for the same.
Palm reading is more popular, but the shape of the teeth can also be read to determine personality. In morphopsychology, there are four essential teeth shapes, each with corresponding traits, strengths and weaknesses. Square teeth for people who like order — who are level-headed, diplomatic and calm, but with an entrepreneurial spirit. Triangular for the carefree, impulsive, free spirited extroverts; oval for the reserved, perfectionist, artistic introverts.
Rectangular for the determined, the intensely passionate — for people with explosive tempers and imaginations. If milk teeth do not drop out for a long time it indicates future infantilism. There are identity traits attached to smiles too.
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